You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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