Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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