ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
