Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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