We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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