Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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