I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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