I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
