The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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