Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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