5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
