DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
