Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
