She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Enjoy the penises
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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