Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
