Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
