You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
