Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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