I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
