Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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