I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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