guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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