I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
