Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
