tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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