I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
