I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize