Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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