hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
