i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
