Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
