I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
