I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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