do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
