So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
