Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
