It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
