Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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