No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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