i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize