I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
