We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
