I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
