you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
