You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
