found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
