O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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