Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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