I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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