I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize