I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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