Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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