I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
