Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
