The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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