Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
