I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
