so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
