so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
