found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
