I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
