pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
