just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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