when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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