I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
