I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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