yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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