i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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