Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
