we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
