The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
