I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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