omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
