i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
